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- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- My friend recommended that I see you, even though it’s over Zoom. You have so many followers on youtube, 80 right?

- 87.

- Do you do tarot reading?

- Yes, I also do your horoscope, I do palm reading, and when I get in trance, I can also be a medium.

- That’s amazing, no wonder you have so many followers.

- Yes, they keep coming by the day.

- So, I’m an Aquarius, what you can tell me.

- Aquarius is being influenced by Uranus this month, so you have to watch your digestive system.

- No more kombucha for me then. Uranus is so far away; I didn’t know it can still influence us.

- It sure does, the furthest away the planet is, the more influence it has. It’s kindalike in Homeopathy: the more water you add, the more concentrated the medicine becomes.

- Wow, you know so much. No wonder you have 80 followers on youtube…

- 87

- So how does palm reading work over Zoom, can you still do it?

- Yes I can. Just put your hand up on the screen and I will tell you your future.

- Let’s do it then. What do you see?

- There are three lines that I see when I do palm reading: the line for the heart, the line for the head and the line of your life… sorry to say but your heart line is all over the place, so I venture to say that your love life sucks.

- The story of my life…

- Your hand does not lie…let’s see what else. The line of your life is very long, but the one for the head is short…let me think.

- Is that bad?

- I don’t think so…any history of dementia in the family?

- WHAT?

- Not to worry, you are going to have a long life…let’s do the tarot reading instead. So what do you want to know.

- Is my love thinking of me…

- I’m good, but I’m not a mind reader…

- Ok then, tell me about my future love life.

- Sure, let me draw the first card…and it’s a Joker!

- You are kidding me, there is no Joker in Tarot cards.

- I added it to give another dimension to the reading, it’s a wildcard.

- I’m not convinced but ok, go on.

- The Joker tells me there is a big J in your life.

- What do you mean?

- Someone whose name starts with J is very important in your life.

- Oh my God, you are so right. My dad John was my hero, but then my mom Jasmine was the best mom ever. Or maybe my brother Jim, or my uncle Joe, or my first boyfriend Julian. or my therapist Joanna. Oh my God, who can it be…

- I think it’s all of them.

- Ok. How is that information helpful?

- I don’t know, I just read the cards. Let’s draw another card: The Lovers

- This better be good.

- You are a person who values relationships and yearns for a person who you can love and can love you. The last card is The Wheel of Fortune. This card tells me that your future is not set and that you have to do some work to find that relationship that you yearn so much. Your current relationship may or may not last, but at the end you’ll find everlasting love, maybe with your current boyfriend or the next, maybe in a few years or a few decades.

- That makes me sad, and I have to say that this session has been very underwhelming. I don’t think I learned anything, except for the fact that I may get dementia, and I shouldn’t be drinking kombucha for the next month. Is there anything else?

- Nope that’s it. I am sorry if you feel that way; I am just the means of the universe…BTW you owe me $300

- Can I get a discount?